Lake Oswego and the $1.5 Million Cannonball: How to Lose Friends and Influence Judges

It’s a picturesque little lake, isn’t it? Lake Oswego—shimmering like a sterling salad bowl and, for decades, hoarded by a small band of well-manicured folks who thought “public” was just a setting on a microwave. But this week, justice showed up like an unexpected ex at brunch: bitter, well-dressed, and bearing receipts.

Judge Kathi Steele—bless her gavel—just served the Lake Corporation, the City of Lake Oswego, and the dear old State of Oregon a spicy little invoice: $1.5 million in attorney’s fees. That’s right. Million. For the audacity of keeping the public from dipping a toe into what turns out is everyone’s bathtub.

The fees? Divvied up like a passive-aggressive potluck. The Lake Corporation gets the biggest scoop—45%. The City? 35%. And Oregon, the eternal third wheel in this lakeside menage-à-faux? 20%.

Todd Prager and Mark Kramer, the lawsuit’s unintentional Thelma and Louise, spent thirteen years fighting to unlock access to the lake. That’s longer than most Netflix marriages. Now they’re vindicated, and maybe, just maybe, somewhere a modest child with a cheap inflatable dolphin is readying for her first public cannonball.

Meanwhile, the Lake Corporation is already appealing because, of course, they are. Some folks just can’t handle the ripple of democracy. But for now, the gates are open, the ducks are watching, and that lake—honey, she’s everyone’s now.

Justice doesn’t always wear a robe. Sometimes, she shows up with floaties.